The 4 Real Factors Behind the Psychology of Attraction

The way you wear your hat… the way you sip your tea…

Frank Sinatra and all the greats have sung about it. But what exactly is behind attraction?

Attraction is something that all of us have felt at some point in our lives. And at its most intense, attraction to someone can be one of the most profound experiences in our lives, as I’m sure many reading this article are familiar with. Though common in its essential form, attraction can find different ways to express itself, depending on the individual feeling the pull.

Sometimes, the process is smooth, and a strong attraction can be clearly identified and dealt with appropriately. Two people like each other and they have a conversation after which they exchange numbers.

Or it could be a mess.

Sometimes the strong pull can cause a chaotic internal reaction that just leaves a person more confused about how to move forward. In fact, this is much more common than most people think, though they may be afraid to admit it. There are ways to remedy this dilemma, however, it all starts with understanding the psychology of attraction.

Influencing Factors

These are a few different factors that could cause one person to feel attracted to another:


Opposites attract. It isn’t true for all cases, but it does happen quite a bit. People who are polar opposites might be attractive to you, as they present the opportunity to discover something unknown. They dare you to push past what you know and find new dimensions to yourself and life.

They free you from a predictable routine and throw you into a world of chaos where you hope you might learn something you never knew before. Adventure is attractive. Tapping into a new part of your personality is exciting!

2. Similarities

But sometimes the opposite is true. Sometimes we just want to see a familiar face. Sometimes we just want someone who reminds us of home. Similarity can take a number of forms. It can be physical, such as finding someone your body size or height, as is often the case. Or it can be in the form of certain shared personality traits.

The comfort offered by knowing what and who you’re dealing with is something a lot of us can find attractive.

3. Support

Support as an influencing factor of attraction can take two forms. It can be that of a person in need of a shoulder to cry on. There is nothing wrong with this. We all need moral support to get them through all the trials that life offers, and finding support is something to be cherished.

The roles can obviously be reserved. There is no wrong in being a little hero once in a while. Just as long as you don’t let it get to your head. Support should always be offered with the intention of getting people back on their feet, so that they can stand alone. Otherwise, what you have is called a “co-dependent” relationship.

4. Ideals

Sometimes, attraction can happen before we have even encountered any one individual. It can all be based on an ideal or fantasy, such as a certain body, or a particular way in which a person approaches you, or even something more specific like a combination of hair and eye color.

It probably isn’t best to limit yourself to such ideals, but it does help to know what you think draws you. But be prepared to be surprised! True attraction usually overcomes your own expectations.  

Harnessing Your Psychology

The truth is that all the factors above, while true, are generalizations of individual experiences. There are ways to learn about your specific psychology and why you are attracted to certain people. Learning will help give you better control of your life, your encounters, and subsequently, your future.

(Also read: “How to Attract a Guy While Being Yourself” and “How to Attract Girls (Without Being Gerard Butler)


The psychology of attraction is a fascinating subject. It is both interesting to observe as well as interesting to experience. There are certain elements of it that remain mysterious, at least for the time being, and that is part of our fascination with the experience.







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